Yesterday I told a girl with whom I grew up with and whom I considered a friend that everything is cool, nice weather, nice people, nice everything but that I also miss her, and she replied: don’t worry, we are all out there following our dreams … I ignored this dry and diplomatic answer (I mean even boss tries a bit harder not to come out so arrogant and humiliating) and I told her a story about dreams.
So, I am working with a girl from Madagascar, very nice, beautiful, and adorned with a horrible past. What I find magical in her is what I find magical in every soul that went through hell: she is happy, she appreciates every single moment and she is thankful to anyone who just gives a good word. Needless to say, I love her.
And she is not the sole example. France is filled with Africans – their personnel. Now, these people are very happy to be here, they have the safety, they can survive and what I find very disturbing, they see France as their savior.
A curious person as I am, intentionally or unintentionally, I came across French school books and I regularly visit the library’s children department. I was and I still am horrified by the dose of brainwashing and by the arrogance of the French government and those ruling the country. I am shocked by their conviction that they are the reason for the good on this planet and that they are the country everyone should look upon to. I was also surprised by their aggression if you disagree with their facts. And what I am trying to say is that they start to learn children from an early age on, (3 years old) that they are rescuing the world, in their books Africans are present all the time as a poor victims they need to understand and whom they have to help … they call it fight against racism, spreading awareness and getting to know other cultures.
I am Slovenian and I about a month ago I found children book about Slovenia and it’s history. There it is written that we lived all of our lives under Austro-Hungarians and that is not until Napoleon invaded our region, (even though for a very short time), that our national pride was born. According to them, our history and our language start in the early 19th century inspired by French. They just ignored thousands of revolutionists, fighters for freedom and writers, so when the child opens a book and reads about Slovenia he is proud because it was they who actually implemented the idea of independence. I find it very perverted and very intruding, actually, I mean, can you just…fuck off? But no, they can not. They just need to be part of every important event even if it is about such a small and unimportant country like Slovenia.
If we go back to Africa. Africa, as it is, is in chaos, and I know for sure that french like it like that. First, they get a cheap personnel that is already learned to speak French (let us not lie to ourselves that those countries are still not their colonies), they get a lot, a lot of goods for very small amount of a money and the last, and I think the most important thing: they have a part of the world where they can play as a saviors, as teachers, and as role models. They open schools where they teach them about their history as they, French has written it, they teach them french language and open the doors and possibility to run away from the hell which the French (with cooperation with other developed countries) have actually created.
But that is not the point. The point is that they manage to create in hearts of Africans feeling of eternal gratitude. I mean, the first generation that migrated is extremely grateful, sacrificing their time and freedom in order to please their employers, and in the end sacrificing their children. So, who is the violent one, who is raping all those women’s and who is robbing and killing people on the streets of Marseille, for example? Well, mostly, their children, so-called the second generation. Those children were raised by the school system which is cruel and unjust, and by the street. Those children know nothing about their parent’s life in Africa, they only know that they should be equal to white but they feel they are not. And honestly, they are right. They are witnesses of the exploitation of their parents, they live without their parents and they chronically lack the love and warmth.
But in France they don’t see that problem like that – for them, the problem is their incapability to be socialized, their lack of wish to behave according to French rules and their origin. They will never admit that most of the migrants work longer hours and weekends thus not having enough time to spend it with their children. They will not admit that in school there is a high level of discrimination, not only from the side of teachers but what’s even more painful for a child, from the side of his schoolmates. And never will they allow you to say that they actually, concisely or subconsciously, the minute they see a color of pupil’s skin or find out about his or her social status, determine whether that pupil will be successful or not. And as many of those children’s parents are too afraid to stand up for the wellbeing of their child – those children are just destined to depend on the mercy of teachers.
Beside denying all that, French may not find a following two situations humiliating but rather as an act of kindness and care, but let’s try out the rest of the world.
In a hotel where I work, every pause we get something to eat. Once I thanked a girl that’s preparing that, so-called breakfast, and she replied, well yes, it’s better if I give it to you than to throw it away. Well, thank you very much.
The second situation happened at the doctors. I went there so they can tell me I am healthy enough to do the job – I mean nobody is healthy enough to work as a room maid I assure you – but it is one of the French protocols that convince them that they are very just and friendly country. I don’t blame people that they don’t know where Slovenia is, it is really very small country, so I usually explain it as a part of former Yugoslavia. After I told that to a doctor, my health was immediately put aside and madame doctor was questioning me about my life in Slovenia: do you, in Slovenia, as a woman, have the same rights as here, in France? When I answered yes, of course, she asked You mean, as a woman you can have a life as you have in France? Again I said yes, and she wouldn’t stop Do women in Slovenia work, do your men own you, etc … can you freely express your opinion, can you protest … I wasn’t insulted by the questions – I guess those things are very important for women’s self-confidence and mental health (which can also be tested in many other ways I believe), but it was her skepticism and as previously said, arrogantly raising above the other nations and establishing themselves as an example of how the world should function (and I just can say – God forbid!). So, long story short, I sat there feeling like some exotic creature that was noticed for the first time in history. I was examined, now I need to be domesticated I guess. For a moment there, I felt like an elephant man.
Note that I am only exposing two examples out of a thousand.
Little by little I understand that you start to feel like an idiot, like a primate that doesn’t know how to behave while they are messing with your mind, and little by little you get civilized to a point where you only serve and as said by one of my previous bosses “in France you don’t say no to a boss”.
So, we come to the West to follow our dreams – but what dreams? Being far away from people you love, being humiliated every single day … what is that dream we are after?
So, I am working with a girl from a Madagascar, very nice, beautiful, and adorned with a horrible past. What I find magical in her is what I find magical in every soul that went through hell: she is happy, she appreciates every single moment and for what it takes she is thankful to anyone who just gives a good word. Needless to say, I love her.
This girl too has a dream … the most surprising dream I have ever heard. She desires to die young. You want to know why? Because she believes that younger you die bigger are the chances you will end up in heaven, as you didn’t have much time to sin.
The most horrible thing is that she was learned to think and believe that from the French priest in Madagascar.
Doesn’t her dream just blow your mind and gives you some answers?
But my friend replied: who are we to judge?
So I was like, who the hell was I talking about? And I just replied: it was an amazing metaphor that is now completely wasted.
Although, this girl I used to call a friend and me, we were practically living together, have created some amazing memories together I realized that I can not love such a person anymore and that I have nothing to share with her. I actually realize that I was adjusting myself to her level, and every time I wanted to talk about things that matter I would hit an icy rock and freezing arrogance and would be expelled from hanging outs for about 2 weeks. But yesterday, I made a decision to expel her from my hanging outs for the rest of my life.
For all those reading this the point of this post was
a) that you don’t allow yourself get killed while following your dream
b) liberate yourself from anyone that is being ignorant and arrogant towards you and your care,
c) sometimes it’s better if you keep your mind to yourself – there’s nothing worse than brilliant idea hitting a judging ear convinced in its own kindness and justice.
Love you all,
featured image: Photo by Randy Tarampi