Poem to mother

Dear mother,

I wish to tell you what you long to hear
but I did nothing what you’ve expected from me.
I wish in me wouldn’t be this tremendous urge to disappear
and free of worries for me you would be.

Never you will understand the float of my blood
that carries me away from places I know,
those desperate moments of emotional flood
enriched pain which in my veins flow.

Never you’ll know that one promise, not kept,
can break a heart and change one’s way,
I suffer from my youth you’ve kidnapped,
my memories rest in shades of gray.

If I could wash your tears away, I would,
to comfort your worried heart, I desire,
I’d be what you want from me if I could
but I know I’d burn in that hypocrisy fire.

I stay attached to the road, my only friend,
and travel to find pieces of my long lost life,
with forest green and mountain gray to blend,
to return in time when I was just five.

To relive what you’ve taken from me
to run through colorful meadows and climb trees,
to get lost in waves of the salty sea,
lung to fill with the freshness of mountain breeze.

To return a smile to my face –
Return a childish naivety you all abused.
Sorrow, doubt, anxiety – I wish to erase.
No longer I wish to be confused.

I wish a bird singing would replace whispers in my mind,
the softness of moss to be a mattress for my body.
I wish to lose in your memories as something undefined,
my trace to elude in the sky very cloudy.

No longer can I live solely for you,
can’t be the culprit for your pain and tears.
And I can’t stay in town where I grew,
I’ve given to you and that place too much of my years.

But I still live with childish wish and dream
that one day your heart I’ll fill with proud;
to see me as I am and not as I seem –
and that by your standards I’d finally be allowed.

 

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